Out of order - can i still do what i wanted?

I think you can totally still have all the pre-wedding events in this scenario! I'm so sorry about your grandma, and am glad that she was able to be there when you got married.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, etiquette doesn't condone pre-wedding events after a wedding has taken place, regardless of the circumstances. For example, a cardinal rule is everyone invited to a shower must also be invited to the wedding. A delayed celebration or reception can be as big a blowout as your budget and preferences allow, and a wonderful event, but it's not the occasion on which you were married, ie your wedding.

There may be also be people who have already given you your wedding present. Usual guideline is for people to divide the total they want to spend between a shower gift and a wedding gift. But the main reason is that you are no longer in the role of a bride setting up her first home as a married couple, you're already a wife, and this could come across as a gift grab.

If you want a special celebration that includes intimate friends or family, that's great. Just call it a luncheon or a tea, not a shower, and don't make it about gifts.

As for a bachelorette, I think the same general logic would hold.

View Quoted Comment I completely agree with Lisa

View Quoted Comment

We had planned to actually have another ceremony and told guests to not give gifts until our September date. While we changed our minds on holding another ceremony, we did not accept gifts from anyone. A lot of my family are in the area so were able to attend, while my husbands are from different states. So a lot of people that would attend the shower/bachelorette did attend our wedding, and people that didn't it wasn't that they weren't invited it just didn't work out on that short of notice. Also everyone that couldn't attend knew the circumstance of why we were getting married. I don't necessarily care about gifts, but more about missing out on things I would have enjoyed being a traditional bride. While I understand there might be an etiquette for more formal events, that doesn't describe me and I believe people invited would understand my circumstance. Thank you for your input, and I like your idea of a luncheon/tea!

So sorry to hear about your grandmother. I’m glad you got to celebrate with her before her passing. That said, under these circumstances, I think it’s completely acceptable to have all the pre-wedding events! And I’m sure your friends and family would want to celebrate you, and support you, during this time. I know you changed your original wedding date into a reception for everyone, but if you want to repeat your vows in front of all your loved ones (some people find this makes it feel more “real”), that’s always an option too! You can even choose a wedding party if you want to repeat your vows.

View Quoted Comment While I would normally agree that pre-wedding events are for those who are not yet married, I think OP's situation is an example of where the situation overrides etiquette. Similar to 2020, when many couples held super small ceremonies on their original dates and then postponed the larger receptions, bridal showers, and bachelorette parties until a time that COVID restrictions allowed for larger gatherings (in many cases, a year later). Most people were very understanding of this, and it wasn't perceived as a gift grab, even though these parties were hosted after the wedding instead of before. I think in OP's situation, her guests would absolutely be understanding of her time-sensitive need to change her plans, and I truly don't believe it would come across as a gift grab to anyone.

You can totally have a wedding/reception after the fact and I did not ask for gifts at mine either, it was my second marriage (we already have stuff). Many people who get married at the court house have full on weddings after, and as far as the "bachelorette party" you can have a girls night/day out it is totally fine. I am having one and I was married a month ago. I not branding it as a bachelorette, but some of my friends were not available before so we are getting together after. There is no etiquette that dictates circumstances beyond your control. Be happy and enjoy! You were very sweet to make the day happen for your grandma!